Tell us what you’d most like to see change about diabetes, in any way. This can be management tools, devices, medications, people’s perceptions, your own feelings – anything at all that you feel could use changing.
Changes – what would I like to see? Many other bloggers have focused on what changes they would like to see diabetes-wide, so I think I’m going to be a little bit selfish and focus on me. What changes do I want? I want my own feelings surrounding my diabetes to change.
Diabetes makes me feel weak. Note the inclusion of one word – it makes me FEEL weak, it doesn’t make me weak. But some days, that feels like the same thing.
I think that five years on I still haven’t really accepted that sometimes, diabetes makes you stop for a little bit. I see dragging myself through the day at 27.3 as weak and inefficient, when I really should give myself a pat on the back for continuing despite feeling like crap. I see asking my students to read silently while I lean against a wall and treat a hypo as lazy and disorganised, when I need to recognise it as doing the best I can under the circumstances. I feel like a child, like I need to be cared for – I am fiercely independent and like to be in control, and diabetes takes that away from me. I can’t control my body, but in my head I still think I can, and so I beat myself up for things that are not even my fault.
This needs to change. I would never say or believe these things about anyone else with diabetes, so why is it ok when it’s about me? I know what to think about diabetes, but often I just can’t make myself think it.