Diaversary #3

I’m sick of being sick. The other 364 days of the year I usually brush these feelings aside but today I just can’t.

I miss my old life so much. I’m trapped counting food and being weighed and measured for the rest of my life. I’m trapped in this shitty body that doesn’t work and a mind that’s not going to heal. I hate this disease, it can rot in hell. 

It’s so hard, it’s SO HARD, it’s 24/7 and I never get a break. I NEVER GET A BREAK. I can’t pop pills and get on with life, it’s in my life every hour 24 hours a day 7 days a week. No-one seems to understand how hard it is because we all hide it so well…it’s so isolating.

I hate being diabetic. I hate it with every fibre of my being.

I just want my life back to the way it was before.

I fucking hate March 7th.

16 responses to “Diaversary #3

  1. Hiya GP.

    I hear you. It sucks.

    Thinking of you and sending all sorts of positive vibes your way. Hang in there.

  2. Aww Georgie. I know it’s not easy, not easy at all!! and no body can really understand, but you do such a fantastic job at it, keep strong, i know you can!! I know EXACTLY how you feel at the moment! .. This condition is a bitch and there are times wen you want a break, but then there are times when you really fricken want a break! and that’s ok, always here if you wanna chat 🙂 x

    • thanks honeybun! thank you especially for saying it’s not easy, there’s nothing worse than people saying ‘it’s not that bad’. don’t invalidate my opinion, stupid people! xx

  3. Happy commiserations, kid! Think happy thoughts and see the whole board.

    • I think happy thoughts and see the whole board the other 364 days of the year. Today is when I let myself grieve. I think that we should be allowed to grieve, to keep it all in is unhealthy! Remember I’m a diabetes baby, only a toddler still 🙂
      It’s been easier each year so I guess that in 10 years I won’t be writing an angry blog post

  4. I know! We should all be allowed one day to grieve, if we choose to. Happy commiserations, kid!!

  5. I can totally relate to this – it really sucks and I’m feeling the same way…

  6. Melissa Dooley

    I absolutely get it!! I’ve had type 1 since I was 5 and I’d give anything to have just one day where I didn’t have to do injections for the whole day. It’s hard but you sound strong. Go girl!!

  7. Ironic that I found your blog today on /my/ diaversary 🙂 I think it is healthy and very important to have that one day of the year where you just…hate everything about it and beat the ground with your fists and loathe the date. I find it almost gives me the strength to get up and on with it the rest of the time. 🙂 So many seam to embrace it but I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates my diaversary.

    • I DEFINITELY agree with that! I think it’s impossible to be positive about diabetes all the time – those who say they are probably just got very good at pushing it down! I feel like one day a year to get out all that resentment is like a ‘detox’ – I start March 8 fresh and full of positivity 🙂 I’m glad you found my blog, love your one!

  8. Hi Georgie,

    I only just found this blog as I was feeling pretty average about my diabetes today- as I often do here and there when I realise that I am not like everyone else, and nothing comes easy. I am 23 and have been diagnosed with type 1 for 12 years now (so unfortuntaely these feelings never go away!).

    I guess my reason for posting is that I notice you have a pump (I am still a dinosaur, using pens – as I have always been against having something attached to me). My newest lifestyle now means I am going to the gym pretty much everyday, which is playing havoc on my sugars because my insulin levels are being adjusted daily dependent on the whole spectrum of factors (intensity of exercise, hormones, the LOT). Everyone is pushing me to go to the pump, saying it will help as you dont need ot be planning in advance etc etc. So now to my question(s) – generally, do you like your pump? Has it helped you stay in control? I read you newest post about trying to hide it, is it difficult to do so? Does it catch and pull, or how often does air get into the line?

    Sorry for the long winded post, I just need a real opinion, not from an endo haha.


    • I actually think I’m a bit like you, I detested something being attached to me. I got diagnosed start of yr 12, then moved to the UK, so wasn’t really active at all (study, being a lazy gap student etc. haha). However once I got back, I started to be active again and pens just didn’t work!
      The pump is a GODSEND for activity. I go to the gym about 4-5 times a week. I can put on a temp basal, which basically means that I reduce the amount of basal insulin in my system so I don’t go low – it’s nearly like I’m ‘normal’ again! Seriously, that’s the main reason I got the pump and it has served it’s purpose. I lost about 10kgs once I got the pump and could exercise without eating beforehand or going low and having to eat.

      I love my pump. My control has gotten better, I haven’t got a recent a1c (naughty me), but in 2011 my a1c was 9, and last time it was 7.2. I’ve made a huge effort to get it down, so hopefully it’s in the 6s soon!

      I find the pump itself quite easy to hide, I have a large chest so it sits in the middle of my bra with the clip quite nicely. 🙂 I’ve never gotten air bubbles, I was trained really well when I first got it and my priming skills are top notch 😉 It can catch if you don’t tuck it in, the only time mine ever catches is when I don’t tuck it into my pyjama pants and it catches on the kitchen drawers!

      The being connected thing was an issue for me, but you forget about it! and if you do get over it, you can always take a break. I did that once (and promptly went back onto the pump the next day, hate pens now!)

      I cannot recommend Animas highly enough, their pumps are great and their customer service is absolutely amazing.

      sorry for the massive reply, any more questions let me know. good luck!

      • Thank you so much for getting back to me quickly! It is so good to be able to get real opinions from people who have been/are going through the same thing. I have definitely been doing more research into pumps.

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