You didn’t think I’d be writing you this letter did you?
I mean, the amount of times that I have sworn at you, yelled at you, and generally abused you is just ridiculous. If I was you, I’d be expecting a hate letter stuffed with a stink bomb instead. We’ve never had a healthy relationship, and although we’re getting there slowly, it’s still not very equal is it?
I mean, you’re so controlling. You give me no choice but to test, inject, test, inject, and if I don’t do these things you throw a tantrum and give me the sweaty shakes or a bladder the size of a pea. Sometimes you chuck in some nausea and dizziness, just to keep me on my toes.
You’re abusive; you hurt my fingers, my belly, my thighs and my hips. You give me aches in my bones, shitty eyes and mood swings that turn me into a human Godzilla.
You’re selfish. You refuse to let me go anywhere or do anything without thinking about it will affect you. Especially at the gym. Just let me exercise ONCE without checking on you PLEASE!
However, (and here comes the love) when you came into my life, on March 7 2010, you changed me for the better. Thanks to you, I am more empathetic, and have discovered a different perspective on life. You gave me empathy to relate to other people living with a chronic illness, and that is priceless. You know how alone a chronic illness can make someone feel, and you gave me that gift to help others in the same position.
You constantly push me out of my comfort zone, into new experiences and communities. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have discovered the huge diabetes community. A community that embraces me and offers me support whenever I ask for it. I’ve walked into rooms and hospitals not knowing a soul, and walked out with 20 new friends and a heart full of joy. You’re what we all have in common, and you give us all this special dynamic that no other friendship seems to have. You’re a funny one aren’t you? You can be such a massive pain in the arse, but you introduce me to so many incredible people that I’m finding it impossible to hate you.
I can’t remember not having you. It’s only been three years since we met, but I feel like we’ve always been together. I think I’ve always had a feeling that something like you would come into my life eventually; I just didn’t know what it would be. Turns out it’s you!
When you first came into my life, I was so angry with God, and for a very long time I seriously questioned my faith. Hadn’t I already gone through enough crap already? Why would God give me something that made my life utterly shit?
But the thing is, you haven’t made my life utterly shit. In fact, you’ve enriched my life in so many ways. You’ve made me open up to my best friends and family, accepting help, when before I refused to let them in. You’ve given me a whole new set of friends. You’ve given me a huge passion in life, and now I know that I’m meant to have you. There will be kids in future classes that I teach that have diabetes or other chronic illnesses, kids that feel alone and angry, weighed down and resentful, and you have given me the tools to help them get through that. I want to be that kind of teacher, one that any kid can come up to if they feel distressed or upset, and thanks to you I think that will be easier to achieve.
I don’t love you yet, and I don’t think I ever fully will…but I’ve accepted you. In a bizarre way, I’m grateful for your presence in my life, and for the person that you’ve turned me into. I like this Georgie.
Diabetes, thank you for enriching my life and making me a better person.
“I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you
…Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good”
‘For Good’ – Glinda the Good Witch. A song that perfectly expresses my feelings towards you (and also reminds of a beautiful friend). See, musicals ARE wise.