I freaking hate them.
Now I know I shouldn’t play the ‘my body is worse than yours’ game, but it’s my blog, I’m in a grumpy mood, so I’m doing whatever the hell I like.
When a normal person is sick, they are sick. Sore throat, killer headache, snot everywhere, feel like death. It sucks. I’ve been there.
Now imagine feeling that crap, and having to deal with elevated blood sugars at the same time. I’ve been there too.
High blood sugar is shit. You feel nauseous, dizzy, and weighed down by some huge indiscernible force. Think about your worst hangover ever. Now multiply it by 10..you’re just about there. You can’t concentrate – study is near about impossible, as all you want to do is vomit up your breakfast. You are constantly thirsty – like, ‘I could drink the entire bottled water section of Coles and still be dying of thirst’ thirsty. That insane thirst results in peeing. So basically you spend your time feeling like you’re going to chuck up your insides, dizzy, and on the toilet.
Oh, and on top of all of this you’re ‘normal-sick’ as well. Mmmmm phlegmy snot.
This post is mainly a rant about how freaking UNFAIR and FRUSTRATING it is having diabetes when I’m sick. All I want to do when I’m sick is curl up under the doona, watch Friends and wait for it to go away. The last thing I feel like doing is pricking my finger constantly to see if my blood sugars are behaving.
Are they? Of course they’re not! My lazy pancreas sees it as an excuse to wreak havoc on my insides. Being ill makes me high. Being stressed makes me high. Being stressed about how high my blood sugars are makes me high. It’s a lovely big circle of high.
I don’t want to prick my finger when my body is aching and my skin is sore. I don’t want to do a set change when my joints are painful and my stomach is cramping like a motherfucker. Most of all, after correcting my high BGL and shooting down into a low blood sugar, I don’t want to force myself to drink juice when all I feel like doing is curling up into the foetal position and sucking on an ice block.
I feel like I downplay how shit and complicated having diabetes can be sometimes to most of the people I know, but it’s honestly not their problem. I was never really sick before diabetes, and I hate being seen as someone who is ‘sick’ now. There is nothing more annoying than someone complaining about something that can’t be fixed. Saying that, there are a couple of friends that have seen a full on meltdown, but as those usually result in me throwing my blood test meter across the room and screaming ‘FUCK YOU PANCREAS I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT!’, I usually try to restrict these breakdowns to my room.
But I’m going to say it, if you are an average healthy human being, my sick days are worse than yours. I’m sorry, but I’m pissed off and feeling jealous of all your working pancreases. I do feel your pain, I really do. I was only diagnosed at 17, and I remember having pneumonia when I was 14 and it being one of the worst things I had ever felt. But the thought of having that now while dealing with the effects of high blood sugar actually makes me want to cry.
I’m aware I’ve made this post all ‘woe-is-me’. But you know what? I think sometimes I’m entitled to. I’ve only had this for two and a half years, I’m not like those people who have lived with it since they were little and don’t really remember life before injections and crazy blood sugars. Living with this is a 24/7 job that I will have for the rest of my life. There is no day off, I don’t just take pills for this – this impacts my life in a big way whether I like it or not, and if I can’t whine about it on my blog, where can I?